Telling Family & Friends - Yikes!

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 16, 2013

Quote from mom:  "You wouldn't worry so much about what other people think about you if you realize how seldom they did."

Deciding to have weight loss surgery - the vertical sleeve gastrectomy (VSG) has been a tough decision to make but after consulting with doctors and my husband, we feel like it is the right decision.  Now how do I tell people?  I'm usually an open book about everything with my friends and family.  So who do I tell first?  Who will understand?  Of course my fear is that they will not understand and will think I'm taking the easy way out of losing this weight - after research I realize there is nothing easy about this surgery- it's right thing to get my health back. But I'm really freaking out about telling people.  No longer keeping my head in the sand about my heart disease.

A little family history as I'm not as concerned about telling my immediate family - I know they will be supportive but a little surprised.  I'm the middle child - have an older sister and younger brother.  We watched our father gain and lose a 100 lbs many times in his life.  Dad was a Type 2 Diabetic, had high blood pressure and had heart disease.  We all have memories of being in the emergency room with him having a heart attack and carrying the nitroglycerin in his pocket for his angina.  He died at age 77 of a stroke.  He was very conscious of our weight and really wanted us kids not to struggle with our weight as he did.  And of course all three of us struggle with our weight - my sister and brother have been doing a better job of keeping control then me but have been on every diet known to man.  My sister was the first person I talked to about the surgery and she has been very supportive.  I also told my brother and he also thought it was going to be life-changing for my husband and I.  I waited until I had the cardiac clearance to tell my two boys - 24 & 21 - I think they were surprised but glad I was doing something about our health - I'm sure they worry about us. 

Next up - how to tell my 91 year old mom who lives 9 hours away by car and has had a broken femur this past summer and TIA's.  She talks to me at least 2 times a day, either my brother and I are there checking on her every month (after spending the summer getting her through the hospitals, rehabs, and settled with nursing care). She does have short-term memory loss and will worry about me going through surgery.  Because she is confused with the timing of events, I've decided not to tell her until after the surgery - will let my brother explain it to her the day of surgery.  She would work herself into a nervous frenzy about it.  I'm not sure she will understand but will be happy I am losing weight.  Because of her age and her health history, I'm nervous about being able to get to her if something happens to her but my surgeon assures me I'll be able to travel in two weeks after the surgery. My older sister does what she can but she lives far away and it's expensive for her to come help. Right now my mom is doing great physically - amazing how she has bounced back from the broken femur.  Another blog.

Okay - now for the really scary part for me and what was made me really nervous - how to tell my friends?  Like I said - I normally am an open book so keeping this from them has been hard.  Most of my close friends eat very healthy and LOVE to exercise (Dear God - why didn't you bless me with that gene?).  If they eat bad at one meal - they adjust for it at night or the next day.  They have it under control.  I hate being the largest one in the group and taking group pictures when we are out and about - I always want to be in the back.  (And please don't post that picture to Facebook - I look horrible.)  My fear is that they won't understand.  But aren't most of our fears unwarranted?

So I took the plunge (after some praying about it) and called one close friend to let her know what was going on and what I was doing.  The day I got the personal call from my internist about getting his approval for the surgeon I was going to use - I was with my friends playing Mah Jong.  They heard me get a call from the doctor and I went outside to visit with him.  When I got back, I told them everything was fine.  Turns out they were all worried about me - thought something was going on with my heart.  My friend was relieved I'm okay and is excited for me to have the surgery.  Whew - so my fears were unrealized.  Another longtime friend is totally on board.  So that is making the telling easier - now I've told 4 friends total.  They've all been great.  I did go to lunch with someone I'm not as close too so I didn't tell her - just that I was on a diet again.  Tonight we are going out to eat with another couple so I guess we will tell them tonight - we will see how the night goes.  They do know I'm on a diet.  I'm not sure who else I'll tell but it's going better than I thought.  My fears completely unfounded.

My mother's always told me - "You wouldn't worry so much about what people think of you if you realize how seldom them did." I'm not saying my friends don't think about me - but my thinking process of worrying about what they thought about this surgery VSG is unfounded - they will be concerned and helpful but they have their own problems in their life to really worry about - aging parents, kids, and all the other curveballs life throws at us.  They just have different problems than me - mine right now is my health - no longer sticking my head in the sand!