Hard-Hardest- Easier-"Under My Feet"?

I have been doing a study on overcoming strongholds - mine obviously is overcoming emotional eating and binging.  The speaker was talking about the "process" of overcoming a stronghold - she said that there are several stages which she labeled as HARD-HARDER-EASIER-UNDER MY FEET.  As I've gone through the weight loss surgery - I'm amazed at how some of my food cravings or old habits are gone.

The first stage of cutting out diet drinks, fast food, sweets and carbs was hard.  The two week pre-op diet I believe is more for getting your mind set for a new way of life more than cleaning your liver!  (OK - I'm not a doctor - but that's a HUGE benefit of doing the two week pre-op diet!).  If you had told me at this time last year that I could go SEVEN months without a Diet Dr. Pepper or Diet 7-up - I would have told you that you were crazy - no way I could give those up.  Well - I do think diet drinks are UNDER MY FEET - that addiction is handled with coffee, iced tea, crystal light and water!

This process was hard at first then did get a little harder as the realization that my eating habits were going to be changed forever - a mourning process was gone through.  But some eating habits are easier now - I do enjoy my protein first lifestyle.  Friday night pizza night is no longer happening but we now have shrimp cocktails on Friday night - not a bad exchange.  Yes - we have had pizza but it won't be something on my weekly menu - just an occasional treat.  Going to eat Mexican food is not really a good idea for me - I can eat the fajita meat but it is just too hard to stay out of the chips & queso - just will occasionally go out to eat there with a group but not very often.  I just told some friends today that most restaurants work for me except Mexican when we were choosing our lunch spot for today - like somewhere I can get seafood or a salad with grilled chicken.

Some habits are still hard - last week my husband (also had WLS) and I went to our favorite sports bar to watch some college football - it WAS very hard for him not to order the HUGE ICE COLD BEER in the cold mug - had iced tea.  None of the fried appetizers we love - I had a salad with chicken- he had wings (probably not his best choice).  But we got to watch the games even though we were mourning our love of onion rings and fried pickle chips.  That wasn't easy and probably not a good choice for restaurants to frequent.

When we go out to eat - it has been pretty easy to ask them not to bring the bread.  When I've been hungry for a burger - I have had a bite of the burger with the bun and then just ate the hamburger patty. We were recently on vacation and went to a dive restaurant which was our only choice on the road - I ordered a burger - thought it was probably a safe choice (but not a safe choice for my diet) in this restaurant cause who knew how fresh their seafood was that was on the menu.  The burger came with a PRETZEL BUN - oh my gosh - it looked and tasted fantastic.  But I took a bite - and then just ate the patty.  French fries aren't my problem if we aren't at McDonalds so those aren't a trigger food for me - give onion rings.

Fast food just really isn't a big part of our lives anymore after years of abusing the restaurants.  I can't say I really miss them but I guess I'm also lucky I'm not running kids around right now for practices and games and having to feed them - makes my life easier.  We do go to Wendy's - my husband likes the chili and we both like their half salads.

But the last part of the process is "Under my Feet" - I'm not sure I will ever get there completely.  I still struggle with wanting carbs.  If I'm eating tuna fish - I want some whole wheat crackers with it.  I want some crackers with my cheese.  I have always been a sugar addict and do control that with some sugar free candy, greek yogurt, sugar free popsicles & fudge sickles, etc.  I'm worried about the holiday season coming up - I absolutely love pumpkin and gingerbread and all the holiday sweets.  We have a family tradition of giving close friends Reindeer Food (puppy chow) on Christmas Eve - can I make that and not eat it??  Got some thinking to do and menu planning to work out.  Not sure Reindeer Food will still be made - might be like Mexican Food - just better to avoid it.

Our speaker talking about this process made me realize how far along on this journey I have come - never would I have believed I've come so far in changing my eating habits and never would I have thought it would be easy to say "NO" to a Diet Coke - not a big deal for many but a HUGE deal for me.  (And who knows how bad they really are but for me - not a part of my life for now - I won't say never cause I know how that can come back and haunt me...).  I've been so focused on losing weight that I'd lost sight of how many changes in our lifestyle that we have made- and how most of them really are not that big of a deal now.

Emotional Eating

I think in my last blog I was bragging about how well I did losing weight during the last couple of stressful months with my mom breaking her hip and eventually passing away.  I'm so thankful for the sleeve because it did allow me to lose weight during this stressful time.  But I also think part of the weight loss was that I was so busy, running on adrenaline, cleaning out my mother's apartment then nursing home room, and very active.  I did not take my pedometer - wish I had of -lots of steps every day!

Today it's three weeks out since my mother died and I'm having more time to process things.  And I'm having a hard time staying out of the kitchen snacking - I'm constantly wanting to eat.  I'm not hungry - just have the urge to munch.  I was up 2 pounds this week so yes - it is a battle.  (So much for me bragging about how well I was doing while out-of-town.)  I've been back on My Fitness Pal - I wasn't logging my food consistently during the last couple of months.  When I logged my food - my calories were way up - 1000 -1200.  I wasn't eating anything terrible - no cookies or other sweets (which is what I love) but the gluten free Rice crackers, popcorn, and other carbs.  Guess when you do eat carbs you crave more carbs.

My plan of action - up my exercise, log my food, try to deal with my emotions instead of eating them, and get more water in.  Since my problem is mainly at night after dinner, I'm trying to eat a more satisfying dinner at night - maybe more fat plus protein so I'm not craving food as much.  My internist is always saying we need some fat in our diet to keep us satisfied.  Maybe the weight loss will be a little slower during this time, but I've got to get a handle on the emotional eating and go through the grieving process.

I've gone back to the personal trainer and have upped my sessions from two a week to thee times a week.  I hate to exercise and find any excuse not to go so hopefully meeting a trainer will take those excuses away.  My gym & trainer that I feel comfortable with is closing this week so I've been looking at all my options - have found one and a new trainer for the next month so hopefully my game plan will work.  I was really worried about me just staying home being depressed and not getting out of the house.  I'm about halfway from my goal-still overweight - so I still feel like a fat person walking into these gyms checking them out - don't like the ones with all the beautiful people.  I also don't like the "meathead" trainers I've met who have been giving me tours asking me my "fitness" goals - can't they just tell I'm a 55 year old overweight woman who needs to lose weight and get in shape?? Ugh!  - guess that's a topic for another blog.

I am down a pound today from upping the exercise - now I just need to keep up with the food logging and water.  This is a journey - not an overnight process.  I do have emotions - just need to realize that and not eat them away.  So grateful I've had the surgery - I do feel like I can reach my goal.  Oh and a NSV (non scale victory) - I can cross my legs now!!!