This time last year I was nervous, scared, excited, worried, depressed, sleepless, etc. as I was researching VSG, meeting doctors, doing pre-op testing, and making the decision to have surgery. Needless to say, I was a basket case in wondering if I was making the biggest mistake of my life to have 85% of my stomach removed. One minute I was excited - the next minute I was beating myself up for letting myself get into this bad obese shape in the first place. After much thought, prayer, and discussion with health officials and my husband, my surgery was scheduled for the end of February.
If I was being honest with you, I never ever thought deep down I could be successful in any program more than the usual 20-30 pounds I could ever lose before I gave up with whatever diet I was doing. I really thought I needed to just make peace with the fact that I was an overweight woman. If there were not major health issues for both myself and my husband (also scheduled for surgery a month after mine), I don't think I would have made the decision to have VSG. I was hopeful that this surgery would work - but really not sure. The more research I did, the more hopeful I got.
1. BEST DECISION EVER MADE! I'm a completely different person a year later - 71 pounds down - not at goal 10 months out but working on it!
2. My health would be immediately impacted! Even doing the pre-op diet, my blood pressure medication was decreased & eventually stopped. I have heart disease. My internist is thrilled - at 10 months out - my blood work looks better than it has in the past 10 years - he says "You have saved your life!".
3. I was so worried about what to tell people this time one year ago. What I've learned - the people who I thought would be supportive were and the people I was worried out telling - their response wasn't always great (Only had one person really be negative). So listen to your gut. I did not tell my mother (who wasn't in great health) until after the surgery was over - good decision as I did not want her input or her to worry. As I talked to her every day - the day of the surgery I did tell a few white lies - that I was busy all day. I did talk to her that night after the surgery but cut the call quickly as I told her I had a migraine. Her reaction when I did tell her was wonderful - she was glad I was doing something about my health and was very proud.
4. Telling people was hard - I'm talking about this again as this was a big deal to me. Some people I really don't want to know - but I've found out - people talk - they are amazed that I'm losing weight and have to tell others about it. Even though I really don't want people that aren't close to me to know about my surgery - the word spreads. Oh well.
5. The food funeral and mourning never being able to eat food again. The food funeral is a waste of time as you will be able to eat almost anything you want again - different people have problems with some foods - but as you get farther out - you can eat almost anything. Now that being said, even though I can eat pizza - it's not a good choice for me - not going to happen very often. My food funeral was a steak dinner at our favorite restaurant with appetizer, salad, steak, potato, dessert, bread and wine. I've since been back with the family and now my meal there is a shared salad with dressing on the side, a filet mignon, asparagus and a bite of someones potato - and a to go box. No big loss there. Even though I can go to a Mexican restaurant and I have - not a good choice cause it's still hard to stay out of the chips.
6. Holidays. I was so worried about not enjoying the holiday food again. Again choices to make - I cooked the usual Thanksgiving dinner. I chose to eat mostly the turkey and a bite of each of my favorite dishes. Splenda pumpkin pie for dessert. Not a big deal. I made the choice and my family supported me not to have all the sweets around during Thanksgiving and Christmas because those are trigger foods for me.
7. Stalls. Just get used to them. Happen all the time and weight seems to come off in a stair step fashion - down a couple of pounds - stay there a while and then down 1/2, rinse repeat. I don't lose 5 lbs every week now that I'm farther out. I'm thrilled with a 2 lb loss. I'm trying really hard to remember that this is a process and will take a while.
8. I'm the one person that this surgery won't work on. My biggest fear one year ago. 70 pounds down 10 months later. Case closed.
9. Diet Drinks. I was really worried about giving up the diet drinks as I've been horribly addicted since college days drinking a diet Dr. Pepper every morning for breakfast. I loved my Diet 7-up, Diet Dr. Pepper and Diet Ginger-Ale. The funeral should be for the carbonated drinks as I've truly given them up - different people debate on the message boards about diet sodas and but I've decided not to even go back there at all at this time. Probably the one thing I really miss but just not going back at this time.
10. Planning. Biggest part of success. Before I go out to eat, I have a game plan in my head or have already looked at the menu online to decide. Food at home always that are on plan - canned tuna, frozen cocktail shrimp, greek yogurt, etc. A protein bar & crystal light packets for water are always with me in my purse.
11. Journaling. Must record every bite of food with My Fitness Pal. HUGE!
12. Travelling. Yes - you can travel again - but going back up to number 10 - make a plan - go to a grocery store wherever you are and get food for your refrigerator in the room. Take food with you. I haven't stayed in someones house yet - that would be a different obstacle.
13. Exercise. One year ago I never thought I'd be working out with a trainer 3 times a week or biking with my husband on the weekends 7-8 miles. Never ever thought it would happen. Oh yeah - I still don't like to exercise - probably never will. But I love how I feel and want this journey to work. Working with the trainer makes me get to the gym. No excuses - makes me accountable.
14. Diet Advice. Be prepared for everyone to give you advise on how they lose weight and what plan they follow. They will be excited for you but automatically think you are following their plan of vegetarian, the 80-20 plan - eat good 80% of the time, etc. Go ahead - have a bite -it's on my plan. Just stay your course.
15. Head work. Most important and probably what I didn't realize was so important one year ago. Yes, your stomach will be 85% gone but the brain stays the same. Got to figure out why I overeat and why I emotionally eat. Yes - the urges to eat at night are still there. UGH - just give me a pill to solve it - not gonna happen.
16. IBS - major problem through my life and a major concern. I think it's actually gotten better as my diet was improved - more water, less sugar and junk food. But I never realized that the bathroom issue has been one of the biggest struggles for me. Constipation major problem and a constant battle.
17. Comparing myself to others. One year ago and I didn't really know how hard this was going to be for me as I read the message boards and see how fast others are losing. My battle - my course - my weight to lose - my new history. I'm imperfect and will make mistakes along the way - but just stay the course and the weight will come off however slowly.
Friday, January 17, 2014
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Update
Wow - haven't updated in awhile - want to keep journaling this weight loss journey. I'm down about 8 pounds since my last post in October. I'm not winning any speed weight loss competitions but overall I'm down 70 lbs! Whoo Hoo! Never in my life would I have thought at this time last year I'd be down this much.
Last year at this time I was doing research on this surgery, reading message boards, depressed I would even be so overweight to even contemplate such a drastic measure as weight loss surgery. I didn't think financially we could do this as we were thinking insurance wouldn't pay for it. (They didn't). At this time last year I was thinking about starting another diet. I was getting so discouraged in setting unattainable New Year's Resolutions - I'm good for 20-30 pounds then would gain it back. I was thinking I needed to get back to the gym but was embarrassed to go back.
My husband had his annual physical appointment in early January last year and talked to our internist about the surgery. He came home saying "Let's do this". I immediately started making appointments with doctors to get the ball rolling. I was so scared and excited to be taking a different step towards some health goals.
Wow - what a difference a year makes! I never thought I'd be 70 pounds down - hubby 100 pounds down! Never thought I'd be going to a trainer three times a week! Never thought my husband would just buy a new bike to get his exercise program going again! I never thought I'd have so much energy or feel so much better about myself. Never thought I'd be able to buy regular clothes again - so exciting to be wearing a 14P Talbots pant and an XL or L regular size. Those pants are big on me too! I'm not able to visualize what my weight loss body looks like - still feel fat!
I do still have a large tummy - I need to lose at least 25-30 more pounds. I'm almost to just "overweight" on the BMI scale! That will be an awesome day!
It felt so good to get through the Christmas/New Year's week with only a 2 lb gain. I didn't make my usual sweets and tried some sugar-free desserts. The junk food sitting around such as Chex Mix and nuts did contribute to some of the gain. I also an snacking more and not tracking. Some cravings are back and night time eating. UGH - not "under my feet" as I contemplated in an earlier blog - think I will always have to face those demons.
Some major accomplishments were a 6 lb weight loss from Thanksgiving to before Christmas! Saying "NO" to most candy & sweets! Keeping up my exercise schedule! Having so much more energy! My biggest accomplishment is probably my blood work results - my C Reactive Protein is normal for the 1st time in 10 years!! Other blood work looks great also. My hormone levels are all low so I need to do so investigating on that to see if I'm going to start hormones - breast cancer family history. My Gyn says I'm safe to start taking them.
I'm so happy we went on this journey! I would like to tell myself last year at this time that everything would be okay - this will be a great decision and you will be successful!
Now - time to regroup and get totally back on track. No late night snacking, logging all food, more cardio, cut out the crackers, etc. Life is good! I may not be at goal at one year out but I'll no longer be obese!
Last year at this time I was doing research on this surgery, reading message boards, depressed I would even be so overweight to even contemplate such a drastic measure as weight loss surgery. I didn't think financially we could do this as we were thinking insurance wouldn't pay for it. (They didn't). At this time last year I was thinking about starting another diet. I was getting so discouraged in setting unattainable New Year's Resolutions - I'm good for 20-30 pounds then would gain it back. I was thinking I needed to get back to the gym but was embarrassed to go back.
My husband had his annual physical appointment in early January last year and talked to our internist about the surgery. He came home saying "Let's do this". I immediately started making appointments with doctors to get the ball rolling. I was so scared and excited to be taking a different step towards some health goals.
Wow - what a difference a year makes! I never thought I'd be 70 pounds down - hubby 100 pounds down! Never thought I'd be going to a trainer three times a week! Never thought my husband would just buy a new bike to get his exercise program going again! I never thought I'd have so much energy or feel so much better about myself. Never thought I'd be able to buy regular clothes again - so exciting to be wearing a 14P Talbots pant and an XL or L regular size. Those pants are big on me too! I'm not able to visualize what my weight loss body looks like - still feel fat!
I do still have a large tummy - I need to lose at least 25-30 more pounds. I'm almost to just "overweight" on the BMI scale! That will be an awesome day!
It felt so good to get through the Christmas/New Year's week with only a 2 lb gain. I didn't make my usual sweets and tried some sugar-free desserts. The junk food sitting around such as Chex Mix and nuts did contribute to some of the gain. I also an snacking more and not tracking. Some cravings are back and night time eating. UGH - not "under my feet" as I contemplated in an earlier blog - think I will always have to face those demons.
Some major accomplishments were a 6 lb weight loss from Thanksgiving to before Christmas! Saying "NO" to most candy & sweets! Keeping up my exercise schedule! Having so much more energy! My biggest accomplishment is probably my blood work results - my C Reactive Protein is normal for the 1st time in 10 years!! Other blood work looks great also. My hormone levels are all low so I need to do so investigating on that to see if I'm going to start hormones - breast cancer family history. My Gyn says I'm safe to start taking them.
I'm so happy we went on this journey! I would like to tell myself last year at this time that everything would be okay - this will be a great decision and you will be successful!
Now - time to regroup and get totally back on track. No late night snacking, logging all food, more cardio, cut out the crackers, etc. Life is good! I may not be at goal at one year out but I'll no longer be obese!
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Hard-Hardest- Easier-"Under My Feet"?
I have been doing a study on overcoming strongholds - mine obviously is overcoming emotional eating and binging. The speaker was talking about the "process" of overcoming a stronghold - she said that there are several stages which she labeled as HARD-HARDER-EASIER-UNDER MY FEET. As I've gone through the weight loss surgery - I'm amazed at how some of my food cravings or old habits are gone.
The first stage of cutting out diet drinks, fast food, sweets and carbs was hard. The two week pre-op diet I believe is more for getting your mind set for a new way of life more than cleaning your liver! (OK - I'm not a doctor - but that's a HUGE benefit of doing the two week pre-op diet!). If you had told me at this time last year that I could go SEVEN months without a Diet Dr. Pepper or Diet 7-up - I would have told you that you were crazy - no way I could give those up. Well - I do think diet drinks are UNDER MY FEET - that addiction is handled with coffee, iced tea, crystal light and water!
This process was hard at first then did get a little harder as the realization that my eating habits were going to be changed forever - a mourning process was gone through. But some eating habits are easier now - I do enjoy my protein first lifestyle. Friday night pizza night is no longer happening but we now have shrimp cocktails on Friday night - not a bad exchange. Yes - we have had pizza but it won't be something on my weekly menu - just an occasional treat. Going to eat Mexican food is not really a good idea for me - I can eat the fajita meat but it is just too hard to stay out of the chips & queso - just will occasionally go out to eat there with a group but not very often. I just told some friends today that most restaurants work for me except Mexican when we were choosing our lunch spot for today - like somewhere I can get seafood or a salad with grilled chicken.
Some habits are still hard - last week my husband (also had WLS) and I went to our favorite sports bar to watch some college football - it WAS very hard for him not to order the HUGE ICE COLD BEER in the cold mug - had iced tea. None of the fried appetizers we love - I had a salad with chicken- he had wings (probably not his best choice). But we got to watch the games even though we were mourning our love of onion rings and fried pickle chips. That wasn't easy and probably not a good choice for restaurants to frequent.
When we go out to eat - it has been pretty easy to ask them not to bring the bread. When I've been hungry for a burger - I have had a bite of the burger with the bun and then just ate the hamburger patty. We were recently on vacation and went to a dive restaurant which was our only choice on the road - I ordered a burger - thought it was probably a safe choice (but not a safe choice for my diet) in this restaurant cause who knew how fresh their seafood was that was on the menu. The burger came with a PRETZEL BUN - oh my gosh - it looked and tasted fantastic. But I took a bite - and then just ate the patty. French fries aren't my problem if we aren't at McDonalds so those aren't a trigger food for me - give onion rings.
Fast food just really isn't a big part of our lives anymore after years of abusing the restaurants. I can't say I really miss them but I guess I'm also lucky I'm not running kids around right now for practices and games and having to feed them - makes my life easier. We do go to Wendy's - my husband likes the chili and we both like their half salads.
But the last part of the process is "Under my Feet" - I'm not sure I will ever get there completely. I still struggle with wanting carbs. If I'm eating tuna fish - I want some whole wheat crackers with it. I want some crackers with my cheese. I have always been a sugar addict and do control that with some sugar free candy, greek yogurt, sugar free popsicles & fudge sickles, etc. I'm worried about the holiday season coming up - I absolutely love pumpkin and gingerbread and all the holiday sweets. We have a family tradition of giving close friends Reindeer Food (puppy chow) on Christmas Eve - can I make that and not eat it?? Got some thinking to do and menu planning to work out. Not sure Reindeer Food will still be made - might be like Mexican Food - just better to avoid it.
Our speaker talking about this process made me realize how far along on this journey I have come - never would I have believed I've come so far in changing my eating habits and never would I have thought it would be easy to say "NO" to a Diet Coke - not a big deal for many but a HUGE deal for me. (And who knows how bad they really are but for me - not a part of my life for now - I won't say never cause I know how that can come back and haunt me...). I've been so focused on losing weight that I'd lost sight of how many changes in our lifestyle that we have made- and how most of them really are not that big of a deal now.
The first stage of cutting out diet drinks, fast food, sweets and carbs was hard. The two week pre-op diet I believe is more for getting your mind set for a new way of life more than cleaning your liver! (OK - I'm not a doctor - but that's a HUGE benefit of doing the two week pre-op diet!). If you had told me at this time last year that I could go SEVEN months without a Diet Dr. Pepper or Diet 7-up - I would have told you that you were crazy - no way I could give those up. Well - I do think diet drinks are UNDER MY FEET - that addiction is handled with coffee, iced tea, crystal light and water!
This process was hard at first then did get a little harder as the realization that my eating habits were going to be changed forever - a mourning process was gone through. But some eating habits are easier now - I do enjoy my protein first lifestyle. Friday night pizza night is no longer happening but we now have shrimp cocktails on Friday night - not a bad exchange. Yes - we have had pizza but it won't be something on my weekly menu - just an occasional treat. Going to eat Mexican food is not really a good idea for me - I can eat the fajita meat but it is just too hard to stay out of the chips & queso - just will occasionally go out to eat there with a group but not very often. I just told some friends today that most restaurants work for me except Mexican when we were choosing our lunch spot for today - like somewhere I can get seafood or a salad with grilled chicken.
Some habits are still hard - last week my husband (also had WLS) and I went to our favorite sports bar to watch some college football - it WAS very hard for him not to order the HUGE ICE COLD BEER in the cold mug - had iced tea. None of the fried appetizers we love - I had a salad with chicken- he had wings (probably not his best choice). But we got to watch the games even though we were mourning our love of onion rings and fried pickle chips. That wasn't easy and probably not a good choice for restaurants to frequent.
When we go out to eat - it has been pretty easy to ask them not to bring the bread. When I've been hungry for a burger - I have had a bite of the burger with the bun and then just ate the hamburger patty. We were recently on vacation and went to a dive restaurant which was our only choice on the road - I ordered a burger - thought it was probably a safe choice (but not a safe choice for my diet) in this restaurant cause who knew how fresh their seafood was that was on the menu. The burger came with a PRETZEL BUN - oh my gosh - it looked and tasted fantastic. But I took a bite - and then just ate the patty. French fries aren't my problem if we aren't at McDonalds so those aren't a trigger food for me - give onion rings.
Fast food just really isn't a big part of our lives anymore after years of abusing the restaurants. I can't say I really miss them but I guess I'm also lucky I'm not running kids around right now for practices and games and having to feed them - makes my life easier. We do go to Wendy's - my husband likes the chili and we both like their half salads.
But the last part of the process is "Under my Feet" - I'm not sure I will ever get there completely. I still struggle with wanting carbs. If I'm eating tuna fish - I want some whole wheat crackers with it. I want some crackers with my cheese. I have always been a sugar addict and do control that with some sugar free candy, greek yogurt, sugar free popsicles & fudge sickles, etc. I'm worried about the holiday season coming up - I absolutely love pumpkin and gingerbread and all the holiday sweets. We have a family tradition of giving close friends Reindeer Food (puppy chow) on Christmas Eve - can I make that and not eat it?? Got some thinking to do and menu planning to work out. Not sure Reindeer Food will still be made - might be like Mexican Food - just better to avoid it.
Our speaker talking about this process made me realize how far along on this journey I have come - never would I have believed I've come so far in changing my eating habits and never would I have thought it would be easy to say "NO" to a Diet Coke - not a big deal for many but a HUGE deal for me. (And who knows how bad they really are but for me - not a part of my life for now - I won't say never cause I know how that can come back and haunt me...). I've been so focused on losing weight that I'd lost sight of how many changes in our lifestyle that we have made- and how most of them really are not that big of a deal now.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Struggling at 6 Months out!
I am thrilled I had my surgery 6 months ago today! I'm a little past halfway where I want to be - 56 pounds down. Just wanted to let everybody know who is starting out or looking into the gastric sleeve that you DO have to stick with the program - the weight does not continue to fall off without you working hard to stay on track. Even if you aren't eating as many calories as you used too - it's still work - can't halfway do this and expect too lose weight.
I was doing great until I hit a bump in the road with some family problems - we all have them - that's life. During this time - I was traveling & not totally staying on program and was thrilled with a 13 pound weight loss during a 6 week period of stress. Now that the problem is resolved and I'm back at home - getting back on track has been hard - also dealing with emotional issues from the family problems.
Every Monday I would say - this is the day I'm going to get back to recording everything in My Fitness Pal, eat totally on plan, etc. For a 3 week period I only saw a loss of 1/2 pound a week - I know I was eating too many calories but quit entering into MFP when I knew I wasn't eating right - bad habits coming back.
I also started working out 3 times a week with a new trainer. This past week I've FINALLY gotten there - back on track recording my food & have lost 2 pounds this week. Recording your food makes all the difference in the world. Went back to some protein shakes for a couple of meals, lots of liquid - no carbs for a few days, and strict on calorie counts.
I'm totally struggling with emotional eating at night - just because we have this surgery does not mean that the emotional eating issues go away - they must be dwelt with. I am planning a snack at night to help me. I find myself wanting the crunch - was loving Blue Diamond Nut Crackers - you can have a bunch for 130 calories but these were not good for me - triggered my carb impulses so no more.
This isn't easy - going to happy hour with my friends and I'm ordering iced tea and a shrimp ****tail if they order food so I don't eat the pizza & other appetizers they order. It's not the end of the world that I'm eating a delicious shrimp ****tail but I'd still rather be eating the pizza.
I still wouldn't trade this experience for anything in the world - just wanted to point out that the program works when we follow it - high protein, lots of water, low carb, exercise and recording your food. Not impossible to do but easy to get off track and slow down the weight loss. I don't want to be one of those who quits losing weight after 6 months. I have to deal with my emotional eating issues - UGH!
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Emotional Eating
I think in my last blog I was bragging about how well I did losing weight during the last couple of stressful months with my mom breaking her hip and eventually passing away. I'm so thankful for the sleeve because it did allow me to lose weight during this stressful time. But I also think part of the weight loss was that I was so busy, running on adrenaline, cleaning out my mother's apartment then nursing home room, and very active. I did not take my pedometer - wish I had of -lots of steps every day!
Today it's three weeks out since my mother died and I'm having more time to process things. And I'm having a hard time staying out of the kitchen snacking - I'm constantly wanting to eat. I'm not hungry - just have the urge to munch. I was up 2 pounds this week so yes - it is a battle. (So much for me bragging about how well I was doing while out-of-town.) I've been back on My Fitness Pal - I wasn't logging my food consistently during the last couple of months. When I logged my food - my calories were way up - 1000 -1200. I wasn't eating anything terrible - no cookies or other sweets (which is what I love) but the gluten free Rice crackers, popcorn, and other carbs. Guess when you do eat carbs you crave more carbs.
My plan of action - up my exercise, log my food, try to deal with my emotions instead of eating them, and get more water in. Since my problem is mainly at night after dinner, I'm trying to eat a more satisfying dinner at night - maybe more fat plus protein so I'm not craving food as much. My internist is always saying we need some fat in our diet to keep us satisfied. Maybe the weight loss will be a little slower during this time, but I've got to get a handle on the emotional eating and go through the grieving process.
I've gone back to the personal trainer and have upped my sessions from two a week to thee times a week. I hate to exercise and find any excuse not to go so hopefully meeting a trainer will take those excuses away. My gym & trainer that I feel comfortable with is closing this week so I've been looking at all my options - have found one and a new trainer for the next month so hopefully my game plan will work. I was really worried about me just staying home being depressed and not getting out of the house. I'm about halfway from my goal-still overweight - so I still feel like a fat person walking into these gyms checking them out - don't like the ones with all the beautiful people. I also don't like the "meathead" trainers I've met who have been giving me tours asking me my "fitness" goals - can't they just tell I'm a 55 year old overweight woman who needs to lose weight and get in shape?? Ugh! - guess that's a topic for another blog.
I am down a pound today from upping the exercise - now I just need to keep up with the food logging and water. This is a journey - not an overnight process. I do have emotions - just need to realize that and not eat them away. So grateful I've had the surgery - I do feel like I can reach my goal. Oh and a NSV (non scale victory) - I can cross my legs now!!!
Today it's three weeks out since my mother died and I'm having more time to process things. And I'm having a hard time staying out of the kitchen snacking - I'm constantly wanting to eat. I'm not hungry - just have the urge to munch. I was up 2 pounds this week so yes - it is a battle. (So much for me bragging about how well I was doing while out-of-town.) I've been back on My Fitness Pal - I wasn't logging my food consistently during the last couple of months. When I logged my food - my calories were way up - 1000 -1200. I wasn't eating anything terrible - no cookies or other sweets (which is what I love) but the gluten free Rice crackers, popcorn, and other carbs. Guess when you do eat carbs you crave more carbs.
My plan of action - up my exercise, log my food, try to deal with my emotions instead of eating them, and get more water in. Since my problem is mainly at night after dinner, I'm trying to eat a more satisfying dinner at night - maybe more fat plus protein so I'm not craving food as much. My internist is always saying we need some fat in our diet to keep us satisfied. Maybe the weight loss will be a little slower during this time, but I've got to get a handle on the emotional eating and go through the grieving process.
I've gone back to the personal trainer and have upped my sessions from two a week to thee times a week. I hate to exercise and find any excuse not to go so hopefully meeting a trainer will take those excuses away. My gym & trainer that I feel comfortable with is closing this week so I've been looking at all my options - have found one and a new trainer for the next month so hopefully my game plan will work. I was really worried about me just staying home being depressed and not getting out of the house. I'm about halfway from my goal-still overweight - so I still feel like a fat person walking into these gyms checking them out - don't like the ones with all the beautiful people. I also don't like the "meathead" trainers I've met who have been giving me tours asking me my "fitness" goals - can't they just tell I'm a 55 year old overweight woman who needs to lose weight and get in shape?? Ugh! - guess that's a topic for another blog.
I am down a pound today from upping the exercise - now I just need to keep up with the food logging and water. This is a journey - not an overnight process. I do have emotions - just need to realize that and not eat them away. So grateful I've had the surgery - I do feel like I can reach my goal. Oh and a NSV (non scale victory) - I can cross my legs now!!!
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Stress & Traveling!
My91 year old mother passed away last Friday night. I'm very thankful I was able to travel and be there a few hours before she died. I'm also thankful God was gracious and did not let her hang on for months - she did not want to be in a nursing home no matter how nice it was. She wanted to be active and blowing and going!
I'm so thankful I have had this surgery - I just weighed this morning and lost 2.2 pounds this past week while traveling, planning a funeral and going through the funeral! And the best news of all was I had to buy a funeral dress and I bought my first dress in a NORMAL SIZE - not a woman's size!! My mother would be so proud!! I also proudly got my picture taken with my family - no longer hiding in the very back! I'm halfway from where I want to be but have so much more self-confidence now - it's a great feeling! I've lost 13 pounds since this stressful situation started on Mother's Day - that is so hard for me to believe that I can go through a stressful situation and lose weight!
I also realize the next few months will be hard as I will always be an emotional eater and I have to go through the grieving process - I think I'm in shock right now. I need to get back on track with my water & protein, logging into My Fitness Pal and exercising - it would be very easy to fall into depression. I do have some good friends and family support to help keep me on track. I do love my carbs so I'm going to have to watch that - I love to snack. Plan, plan and more planning my food.
It was fun seeing a couple of friends who had had no idea I'd had the surgery - they didn't want to say anything at the funeral about me losing weight - so I had to bring it up to them. They were happy! I still have a hard time telling how much weight I've lost as I'm embarrassed at where I started - but I did tell them! My husband got all the attention - he's lost 70 pounds since this process started - he looks great! I guess people have no problem talking to men about their weight - very proud of us both!
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Major Stresses in Life...
I haven't blogged this past month as I've had some major stress in my life. We all are going to face challenges in life and have to learn how to handle our emotions and stressful eating. Last year when I faced a similar challenge, I gained probably 15 - 20 pounds. This year - I feel like the gastric sleeve has helped me cope - I'm in control of my eating - but I can't control other things such as my mother's health.
I'm going to write about how I handled my eating but also document the experience I went through for my own piece of mind - helps to journal - read any parts you want too!! I know most people aren't interested in every detail of my experience - just how I handled the dieting part.
MOM'S BROKEN HIP & WRIST: On Mother's Day weekend I flew to visit my 91 year old mother for a planned visit - she did live in an independent living apartment with assistance coming in every day to help with medicine, meals, and bathing. She did not answer my phone calls or knock on her door. I had to get security to let me in and I found her fallen on the floor but conscious (but did not know how I was) - we still don't know how long she had been there. We called the ambulance and off to the hospital we went - she had broken her hip and wrist. Her Mother's Day gift was surgery on the hip and wrist - UGH! Last August she had fallen and broken her femur on her other leg and managed to rehab and return to her apartment - that's when I had gained the 15-20 pounds. She has also suffered from small strokes (TIA's) this past year but still is mentally aware.
FOOD: As I was nervous about traveling for the Mother's Day weekend at 3 months post-op - I already had packed snacks in my suitcase & purse which definitely came in handy. I had Crystal Light packets for bottles of water - I used one of those while we were in the emergency room. I also had some sugar-free Altoids in my purse - really good as I felt my breath was probably horrible spending all night in the emergency room. A Quest bar in my purse was also great as I had not planned on spending the night in the emergency room.
FOOD: I went to a local grocery store and bought greek yogurt, baby bel cheese, tuna fish & nut crackers - my hotel gave me a medical rate and had a refrigerator in the room - a lifesaver for those of us trying to eat healthy. At the hospital cafeteria, I could sometimes get fish or baked chicken and took cups of grapes for an afternoon snack. I also ate cottage cheese for meals. The hospital had a small coffee shop where I could get skinny latte's with sugar free syrups - great treat!! I also went to a local GNC and got the ready-to-drink shakes I like & more Quest Bars - I like the apple pie & chocolate chip cookie dough the best. I would eat the greek yogurt for breakfast instead of eating the free hotel breakfast buffet - I can't eat eggs & am not a big breakfast eater so yogurt worked great for me. On the breakfast buffet's they would only have regular yogurts - I ate those a couple of times. Also got oatmeal a couple of times.
FOOD: I have eaten out a lot these past few weeks with my brother & sister. No problem at most restaurants - would order a steak, salad & baked sweet potato and mostly eat the steak and a few bites of salad and potato. If we went to a Mexican restaurant, I would order fajitas. I tried a few bites of tortilla - but they really were not fantastic so I just ended up eating the fajita meat. I did have a couple of chips and queso but not a whole basket as before surgery. No alcohol - not sure how I would react. When ordering lunch for my mom at sandwich shops, I would order a half a turkey sandwich on whole wheat for me - to be honest - I've had a couple of potato chips with the sandwich. But not the whole bag - just a couple of chips were enough. As I have a massive sweet tooth, I got some sugar-free candy at Walgreen's - and would have 3-4 pieces of it at night.
WEIGHT LOSS: I tried to keep up with My Fitness Pal and was successful a few days a week with it. I know I was not getting enough water & protein in. I did eat too many carbs also. But I'm thrilled to report that even with this stress & no regular exercise - I lost 6 lbs last month. I'm amazed & so happy!!
I do feel the need to stress eat at this time but have been trying to keep healthy food with me to eat - Quest bars, grapes, nuts, etc. Lots of iced tea and water. Doing the best I can. BUT PLANNING IS THE KEY EVEN THROUGH STRESSFUL TIMES! I can do this - I feel like the sleeve has given me the tool to succeed!!
BROKEN HIP: Off to a rehab facility we go three days after surgery - we (the family) think hospitals release you way too soon. Rehab is a necessary evil as the therapists and nurses have to push you to get up and going - which I understand because no one is going to get well lying in bed. My mom was in the best rehab in the area. But it is so hard at 91 years old - my mother was so weak and absolutely hates to do the rehab. This time it was even harder than it had been in August. All the doctors at the hospital told us how hard it is for someone at her age to recover from a broken hip but we knew we had to give it a try. The nurses would put my mom in a wheelchair and would not let us put her back in bed - she would lean her head on the tray and just moan - it was just horrible for us to watch. But if she was going to recover, she needed to sit up for a few hours each day. Physical therapy was tough because she was so weak - they put her in a "stand" for a few minutes to try and build her stamina. She was only on the narcotic pain meds for a week and then went to extra-strength Tylenol - the narcotics just made her crazy. I think the rehabs are more geared for the patients in their 60's and 70's that have more energy and stamina. All the nurses are overworked - have so many patients to take care of. Some nurse techs better than others - just depends on who is working - and again - we were at the best facility in the area. The nursing director at the facility was awesome - loved my mom - but I feel like she was the only one who liked her. In their defense - Mom is a very demanding diva - always has been - Type A - doesn't like to be told what to do. As we had been in this facility twice last August - we knew what to expect and they knew her. If we hadn't had a close family friend on the board of this facility, I doubt they would have let her back in.
But after giving you all that background on the rehab, my mom didn't last long at rehab as I walked in after 3 days at rehab and found my mom having a TIA - the nurse on duty noticed she couldn't tell you her name and where she was and didn't report those symptoms to the nursing directors. The nurses are overworked and just thought she was sleepy and hadn't woken up yet. Off to the hospital we go - nothing showed up on the hospital tests but we are there for another 5 days. Back to rehab we go - this time she just lasts 4 hours - just long enough for me to get her settled - leave her with my sister - and get on the road home. I make it 4 hours down the highway when I get a call from my sister that my mom is having another TIA. Back to the hospital she goes. Nothing shows up on cat scan but it's obvious she's had a TIA - small stroke - nothing we can do. It's really affected her speech but her mind is there. We had a wonderful speech therapist that helped us so much.
This time we realize that she just isn't up for rehab - and cannot go back to her independent living facility even with help as she cannot walk. Assisted living is also out - she can't walk to the bathroom. I check out the nursing home facility at her complex - walked in and immediately walked out -just horrible. We find a beautiful nursing facility - I had checked it out last August when we were concerned about her being able to rehab her broken femur (which she did recover from). My brother came and all three of us decided that this is where she would go.
When the case worker at the hospital told my mom that she was having to go to a nursing home, she said, "Just take a gun and shoot me" - not what she wants no matter how nice the facility is. Even at this nice facility, some care givers are better than others and the food is horrible. Her church family is wonderful and are checking on her every day when we are not there.
We've moved her out of her apartment and stored many of her things and brought some things home. We are going to try and alternate being there every couple of weeks - would like to have moved her to where we live but she just got sick to fast - would cost us a fortune to fly her here. I'm not sure how long she has to live - just want her to be happy and secure in her last days. She does not qualify for Hospice Inpatient care and while she is doing physical therapy at the nursing home - she does not qualify for Hospice Home Care.
I feel like we've made the best possible decision for our mother at this stage of her life but it is so stressful not being able to be there every day. It is so hard not to be in control of a situation - I just have to trust God to handle the situation. Now that I'm home for a couple of weeks, I'm having a stress headache - delayed reaction to all I've been through. And I know people who are going through much worse problems than me - my mom has had a very full happy healthy life - I'm thankful but still stressed! But I'm SO thankful for this sleeve which has helped me maintain some control over my eating.
I'm going to write about how I handled my eating but also document the experience I went through for my own piece of mind - helps to journal - read any parts you want too!! I know most people aren't interested in every detail of my experience - just how I handled the dieting part.
MOM'S BROKEN HIP & WRIST: On Mother's Day weekend I flew to visit my 91 year old mother for a planned visit - she did live in an independent living apartment with assistance coming in every day to help with medicine, meals, and bathing. She did not answer my phone calls or knock on her door. I had to get security to let me in and I found her fallen on the floor but conscious (but did not know how I was) - we still don't know how long she had been there. We called the ambulance and off to the hospital we went - she had broken her hip and wrist. Her Mother's Day gift was surgery on the hip and wrist - UGH! Last August she had fallen and broken her femur on her other leg and managed to rehab and return to her apartment - that's when I had gained the 15-20 pounds. She has also suffered from small strokes (TIA's) this past year but still is mentally aware.
FOOD: As I was nervous about traveling for the Mother's Day weekend at 3 months post-op - I already had packed snacks in my suitcase & purse which definitely came in handy. I had Crystal Light packets for bottles of water - I used one of those while we were in the emergency room. I also had some sugar-free Altoids in my purse - really good as I felt my breath was probably horrible spending all night in the emergency room. A Quest bar in my purse was also great as I had not planned on spending the night in the emergency room.
FOOD: I went to a local grocery store and bought greek yogurt, baby bel cheese, tuna fish & nut crackers - my hotel gave me a medical rate and had a refrigerator in the room - a lifesaver for those of us trying to eat healthy. At the hospital cafeteria, I could sometimes get fish or baked chicken and took cups of grapes for an afternoon snack. I also ate cottage cheese for meals. The hospital had a small coffee shop where I could get skinny latte's with sugar free syrups - great treat!! I also went to a local GNC and got the ready-to-drink shakes I like & more Quest Bars - I like the apple pie & chocolate chip cookie dough the best. I would eat the greek yogurt for breakfast instead of eating the free hotel breakfast buffet - I can't eat eggs & am not a big breakfast eater so yogurt worked great for me. On the breakfast buffet's they would only have regular yogurts - I ate those a couple of times. Also got oatmeal a couple of times.
FOOD: I have eaten out a lot these past few weeks with my brother & sister. No problem at most restaurants - would order a steak, salad & baked sweet potato and mostly eat the steak and a few bites of salad and potato. If we went to a Mexican restaurant, I would order fajitas. I tried a few bites of tortilla - but they really were not fantastic so I just ended up eating the fajita meat. I did have a couple of chips and queso but not a whole basket as before surgery. No alcohol - not sure how I would react. When ordering lunch for my mom at sandwich shops, I would order a half a turkey sandwich on whole wheat for me - to be honest - I've had a couple of potato chips with the sandwich. But not the whole bag - just a couple of chips were enough. As I have a massive sweet tooth, I got some sugar-free candy at Walgreen's - and would have 3-4 pieces of it at night.
WEIGHT LOSS: I tried to keep up with My Fitness Pal and was successful a few days a week with it. I know I was not getting enough water & protein in. I did eat too many carbs also. But I'm thrilled to report that even with this stress & no regular exercise - I lost 6 lbs last month. I'm amazed & so happy!!
I do feel the need to stress eat at this time but have been trying to keep healthy food with me to eat - Quest bars, grapes, nuts, etc. Lots of iced tea and water. Doing the best I can. BUT PLANNING IS THE KEY EVEN THROUGH STRESSFUL TIMES! I can do this - I feel like the sleeve has given me the tool to succeed!!
BROKEN HIP: Off to a rehab facility we go three days after surgery - we (the family) think hospitals release you way too soon. Rehab is a necessary evil as the therapists and nurses have to push you to get up and going - which I understand because no one is going to get well lying in bed. My mom was in the best rehab in the area. But it is so hard at 91 years old - my mother was so weak and absolutely hates to do the rehab. This time it was even harder than it had been in August. All the doctors at the hospital told us how hard it is for someone at her age to recover from a broken hip but we knew we had to give it a try. The nurses would put my mom in a wheelchair and would not let us put her back in bed - she would lean her head on the tray and just moan - it was just horrible for us to watch. But if she was going to recover, she needed to sit up for a few hours each day. Physical therapy was tough because she was so weak - they put her in a "stand" for a few minutes to try and build her stamina. She was only on the narcotic pain meds for a week and then went to extra-strength Tylenol - the narcotics just made her crazy. I think the rehabs are more geared for the patients in their 60's and 70's that have more energy and stamina. All the nurses are overworked - have so many patients to take care of. Some nurse techs better than others - just depends on who is working - and again - we were at the best facility in the area. The nursing director at the facility was awesome - loved my mom - but I feel like she was the only one who liked her. In their defense - Mom is a very demanding diva - always has been - Type A - doesn't like to be told what to do. As we had been in this facility twice last August - we knew what to expect and they knew her. If we hadn't had a close family friend on the board of this facility, I doubt they would have let her back in.
But after giving you all that background on the rehab, my mom didn't last long at rehab as I walked in after 3 days at rehab and found my mom having a TIA - the nurse on duty noticed she couldn't tell you her name and where she was and didn't report those symptoms to the nursing directors. The nurses are overworked and just thought she was sleepy and hadn't woken up yet. Off to the hospital we go - nothing showed up on the hospital tests but we are there for another 5 days. Back to rehab we go - this time she just lasts 4 hours - just long enough for me to get her settled - leave her with my sister - and get on the road home. I make it 4 hours down the highway when I get a call from my sister that my mom is having another TIA. Back to the hospital she goes. Nothing shows up on cat scan but it's obvious she's had a TIA - small stroke - nothing we can do. It's really affected her speech but her mind is there. We had a wonderful speech therapist that helped us so much.
This time we realize that she just isn't up for rehab - and cannot go back to her independent living facility even with help as she cannot walk. Assisted living is also out - she can't walk to the bathroom. I check out the nursing home facility at her complex - walked in and immediately walked out -just horrible. We find a beautiful nursing facility - I had checked it out last August when we were concerned about her being able to rehab her broken femur (which she did recover from). My brother came and all three of us decided that this is where she would go.
When the case worker at the hospital told my mom that she was having to go to a nursing home, she said, "Just take a gun and shoot me" - not what she wants no matter how nice the facility is. Even at this nice facility, some care givers are better than others and the food is horrible. Her church family is wonderful and are checking on her every day when we are not there.
We've moved her out of her apartment and stored many of her things and brought some things home. We are going to try and alternate being there every couple of weeks - would like to have moved her to where we live but she just got sick to fast - would cost us a fortune to fly her here. I'm not sure how long she has to live - just want her to be happy and secure in her last days. She does not qualify for Hospice Inpatient care and while she is doing physical therapy at the nursing home - she does not qualify for Hospice Home Care.
I feel like we've made the best possible decision for our mother at this stage of her life but it is so stressful not being able to be there every day. It is so hard not to be in control of a situation - I just have to trust God to handle the situation. Now that I'm home for a couple of weeks, I'm having a stress headache - delayed reaction to all I've been through. And I know people who are going through much worse problems than me - my mom has had a very full happy healthy life - I'm thankful but still stressed! But I'm SO thankful for this sleeve which has helped me maintain some control over my eating.
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